So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
