so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this just has baby written all over it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
