FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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