I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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