I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
