he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
