Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
