btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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