I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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