she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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