Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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