mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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