were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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