Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
