So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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