Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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