I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
