Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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