the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
