Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
