People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
