I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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