So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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