toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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