the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
