So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
