I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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