yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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