Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
