So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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