You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
