they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
