If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
