Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
