Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
