Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
