I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
