i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
