it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
