If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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