and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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