I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
A+ Viking dick
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
