do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
