you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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