ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
