They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
