i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
