she kept yelling 'call me bella'
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
