This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
