I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
