my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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