I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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