he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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