I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
