i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
