No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
