A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
